"Resolve"

Day 101 of Dukan Diet:

A friend of mine said "My resolve is wearing thin." This has stuck with me in my head ever since she said it.. it was how I was feeling but couldn't put it in words.

When I was growing up, I was taught to do things the best you could every time. When I did that and it was not up to his standard.. I was made to do it again from beginning to end till it passed his judgement and scrutiny. Don't worry .. this is not a parent bashing. I love my dad. He did the best he knew how at the time. I don't hold that against him. However, those feelings of judgement, scrutiny, and never measuring up sure do stick with you..even when you truly let those things go. As I reflect tonight I realize this is part of my struggle. I "cheated" and now I just feel like a failure, like all I have done is for nothing. I know this is not true and just a feeling.
Chris, when I think about fathers I automatically think of you. You probably have no idea but I "study" your parenting.. because I am in awe of it to a degree.. What is in the heart will come out in conversation and you always talk about Michelle, your children, and work.. which lets me know where your heart it. I know I have never met you or Michelle but I admire your family. I think you are a great balance of rules, fun, priorities and consequences. Thanks for the example :)
I am also "depressed" because, no matter how bad a marriage was.. there is real sadness with divorce, especially when children are involved. It is very hard to let your children go every other weekend and for weekly vacations. I miss my children so deeply when they are not here. I absolutely am happy for them to spend time with their dad (it's so important for them and him) I am thrilled they are having a great time and enjoying family time with their sibling and stepmom. I just miss them and don't feel like myself when they are not with me. Before this is misinterpreted. I am in a very happy marriage to a wonderful man.. and my ex-husband is in a great marriage with a wonderful woman. I am just merely stating that divorce is not easy for anyone and especially children.
I guess my point with all this is ... feelings... Feelings...are just feelings... now I will look at truth:

The truth is.. I have worked hard. I have changed many things for the betterment (is that a word) of myself, which in turn is better not only for me but for my family and friends who love me.
The truth is.. They do love me.. whether I am fat or skinny. But, they love me enough to want me to be healthy. (thank you Kare Bear)
The truth is.. I have an amazing husband.. He is so sweet and loving and kind. He will love me no matter what.
The truth is.. This is now the mental part (which obviously I need strength training in!) It is so easy to turn to food for fulfillment. I will put my trust in God as my only source of fulfillment and satisfaction. (thank you Mel :)
The truth is.. this is hard.. but I am as strong as I allow myself to be.

My resolve is to quit wallowing in self pity. My resolve is to get back on track and whoop this fat. I am the one who made myself fat.. and I am the one responsible to take it off..

Today's weight: 146.6 lbs                        Total weight down:  44 lbs.

Cheater, Cheater, Cheesecake eater!

Day 96: of Dukan Diet

I have done well I think. I am way ahead of schedule as far as the Dukan plan goes. I am suppose to be at my goal weight at June 21st.. however, I am only a little over 7 pounds away from that. HOWEVER, I have been very blah, and hormonal the past few days.. and I made a key lime white chocolate cheesecake for house church. It looked SOOOO yummy... and it was! haha.. Yes, someone so kindly sliced a slice in half and it was conveniently laying all to itself on the platter.. I wrestled with eating it for about 12 hours.. then I decided what the heck... EAT IT! I did. It was better than I had imagined. I stopped at that half a piece and hopefully my binge is over... I wish I was stronger..but... I am not. Oh well.

Today's weight: 145.6 lbs.

Yup, It's me.

Day 80 of Dukan Diet:

I have been absent from this blog for a bit. Somewhat intentional, somewhat not. I did NOT want to discourage any new Dukan dieters that I am working with.. so I didn't want to disclose my disgust at my weight standing still for 8 days... that is very discouraging. BUT... now I am on a 4 day phase to combat stagnation and things are looking brighter.
I am so happy about the people who have decided to go through this journey with me. I am excited that they will see results and will start to feel so much better without the excess weight and be on the road to a much healthier lifestyle.
Even though I have been absent.. I have still maintained my commitment to this diet and have pushed through all required of me. 80 days in and I still haven't cheated at all (that even amazes me). I have added 5 lbs of ankle weights for my walk to try and get a little extra "burn".

SOOOOOO.. who is wondering about my weight and measurements??

Weight today: 151.6                                            Total weight down: -39 lbs

Measurements:                                                     Down:
smallest chest:      36.5"                                            -4.5"                                
largest chest  :      40"                                               -4.5"
waist:                   36"                                               -8.25"
hips:                     40"                                              -6"
upper thigh:          22.5"                                            -4"                            
mid thigh:             19"                                               -3"
upper arms:          12.5"                                            -1.25"
lower arms:           8"                                                -1.25"

fat knee:              15.25"                                         -1.75"             Total inches down:  34.5"

Feels Good :)

Today is day 54 of my Dukan Diet:

Really isn't too much to blog about.. being as this is a very repetitive process/diet. I am still on the cruise phase which is alternating PP (Pure Protein) and PV (Protein+Veg) days. Dukan says you must drink 2 liters a day. I accomplish 4 liters daily. I walk a minimum of 30 mins a day, and I eat 2 TBS. of oat bran daily.

I enjoy good tasting food, however I have lost a great deal of my "lust" for naughty food. I see it..think wow.. that looks yummy or smells yummy.. and then I think about my pants and my progress.. and say to the naughty food.. haha.. I like you.. but not that much!

TO MY surprise I still have not had a morsel that I am not allowed, no cheating whatsoever. I think this is largely due to the fact that the scale ,even if its slower, is still coming down.
I celebrate the fact that today I can wear size 8 pants!! WOW. Truly never thought I would see that, but I AM! Feels so good to wear a single digit piece of clothing. I also wore a size M top yesterday, I don't think that will be the norm (because I'm big chested) but I did it.

Today's Weight: 158.8 lbs                           Total Weight Down: 31.8 lbs

New Measurements

Day 44 of Dukan Diet:

Today I will post my new measurements. Are you excited?!
Didn't walk 2 days ago.. It was below freezing and I had worked all day, so yesterday I walked an hour :D
My new favorite thing to eat on my veggie day is .. onion, zucchini, garlic.. then brown your lean hamburger with all that.. mix in a fresh tomato with a splash of Lite balsamic vinaigrette. This is very close to my lovely SKINNY friend's (yes, she does Dukan also)  recipe for zucchini boats. Her name is Melanie and she is a tiny little thing now.. She was the reason I started the Dukan diet. I saw it work for her! Then Mrs.Anne started it and she is seeing great results! These are some lovely ladies that support me even when I am a "Debbie Downer" or just feeling disgusted with myself.
I am starting to see a little difference in the mirror :D

OK.. so

Weight today: 161 lbs.                                Weight down: -29.6 lbs

Measurements:                                           Total inches down: ( -21.25")

Smallest chest: 37"          (-4")
largest chest:    42.5"      (-2")
Waist:              40"         (-4.25")
Hips:                42"         (-4")
Upper thigh:     24"         (-2.5")
Middle thigh:    20"         (-2")
Upper arm:      13"          (-.75")
Lower arm:      8.5"        (-.75")

Fat knee:         16"          (-1")

I'm overweight :D

Day 42 of Dukan Diet:

Today I am happily overweight..haha. WHY?! Because I have been obese for a long time now..SO for now I am happy with overweight.
This weather is making me want to crawl up under the covers and hunker down for the winter, but I will continue in my commitments.
My size 12's are loose now :D. However, my size 10's are tight.. oh well. Should I keep the 12's as a reference from where I was OR do I throw these suckers to the wind?

Weight today: 163.8 lbs.      Total weight down: -26.8 lbs.

blah...

Day 39 of Dukan Diet.

Today and frankly this week I have been very discouraged.. don't get me wrong .. some very lovely and sweet people have definitely tried to encourage me.. I just seem to be in a slump. I am frustrated because of weight coming off much more slowly and (what I call) gross belly skin..that's all distorted and gross, and the fact that I can NOT see what others are saying they see... either my brain is stuck or these people are blowing smoke up ..well... .
 I KNOW I should feel great, I know I should be uber excited.. but right now I am not. Maybe it is just hormonal.. who knows..
I am also not writing this to get compliments or pity or attention.. I am writing this because I promised myself that I would be completely transparent about this diet and my feelings and such.
So there ya have it. I hope to look on this blog in the near future and laugh at this silly, selfish, impatient girl.

On another note. I have maintained my commitments with this diet. Water, oat bran, walking..etc.

Weight is the same... blah.